Heartache

Lala J. Thorpe

“Atsu-kun! Why don’t you just give us another chance to start anew?” shouted a black-haired girl in the midst of snow-droplets. The guy whom she was talking to, paused his steps and he turned his head toward her. His hands were concealed in his jeans pocket to avoid the chills from winter breeze. A piercing and sharp look was evident, while the girl tried to maintain her breath from sniffing.

“What to start anew? You knew that dating you was nothing but wasting my time and killing my brain cells. Go away!” The sharp tone escaped by him was like a bunch of needles stabbed through her chest. The sob was getting harder to control.

“Forgive me for everything I did to you, Atsu-kun.” She spoke between her unsteady breaths.

“Stop calling me with that name, you sentimental fuck.” He snapped once again.

“Fine, then! It’s Kimishita, isn’t it? Would you please just stop being a bad boy for just a sec? Gimme some time to explain, to convey my apologies to you!”

“Tch…”

Flashback to three months ago

Kimishita Atsushi, the best sophomore student in Seiseki High, was an ill-tempered guy whose anger never left him alone whatever situation was. He talked in harsh tone to everyone he met, even when it came to his upperclassmen although his sentences were politely acceptable by them. This guy was quite infamous for his extreme rage, for always giving his juniors death threat. Apart from that, he was a dependable player for Seiseki soccer team. He was unpredictably the kindest evil person you’d ever met.

“What do you want?” asked he when a black-haired girl, called Yoshiko approached him after a practice.

“Ano…Atsu-kun, can you accompanying me to do my chemistry homework? Tonight?” She asked back with such made-up innocent voice.

Kimishita sneered and walked away. “Warui. I have to watch the store tonight. Find someone else.”

Yoshiko pouted hearing his reason. They both were friends back in middle school and continued to high school. She never had any feelings about him but things changed after Kimishita gradually showed some weird charisma of being a forever-raged guy to an evil-but-decent man. Yoshiko began to have a crush on him. At first, she thought it was merely a change of good feeling yet she realised when they inadvertently stared at each other in a P.E. class. She’s so used with his harsh talking but that moment was something she never understood that she shut her eyes over and over to figure out what had happened to her.

That night, she visited his store.

“Konbanwa, Atsu-kun.” She brought him a pack of his favourite ice cream.

Kimishita could care less about her presence and choose to concentrate on finishing his monthly financial journal, but she kept pleading him to help her doing the homework which he half-heartedly agreed.

In spite of their long-term friendship, Kimishita didn’t fully know about Yoshiko. They were never put in the same class so it was just a mere acquaintance. The following days after that-so-called ‘date’ in his store, Yoshiko continued to keep her eyes on him. She would wait for him after training and brought him lunchbox. Their rendezvous was rarely exhibited before the eyes of his teammates because it would become a pain in the ass if that Ooshiba ‘Incredible Sulk’ Kiichi encountered them as he also knew of Yoshiko in middle school.

Their relationship got more intense day by day enjoying each other’s company. And it seemed like Kimishita grew a little deeper feeling upon her that he often paid more attention on her and showed faint smiles a bit more frequent. Yoshiko would always visit his store to study, when in fact, she’s flirting with him. He seemed happier than before although the rage never abandoned him alone. But only his Dad could tell about the change in his sole son.

One night….

Kimishita took a walk to the nearest food stall after closing his store. When crossing a small-dark alley, he overheard an intense panting and a whimper of two people. He wanted to ignore that sound as disgusted sentiment got the better of him, however, he seemed to recognise the sound of the girl. Decided to peer from the corner of building through the dark, there she was. Yoshiko was snogging with Saku-High’s goalkeeper, Kondou, whilst he wildly touched her body behind her dress.

“Teme NO BAKA…!!!” Kimishita had gone berserk that he excessively gritted his teeth from raging. He ran home and held his anger until he slammed the front door which left his Dad questioning.

“Doushita, Atsushi?”

“KUSSO! KUSSO!!” He let out a loud swear. His voice was clearly heard across the room. The appetite he had been holding all evening had vanished and transformed into a big urge to vomit.

The thing that pissed Kimishita the most was that Yoshiko acted like nothing had happened. She kept bugging him all days all nights even though he ignored everything from her and avoided any encounters at school.

“Atsu-kun, can I come around tonight?” asked she one afternoon.

“Fuck off.”  He replied hoarsely which left her astounded.

“Why do you keep ignoring me, Atsu-kun? What did I do wrong? You never answered my call, you didn’t text me back, even you kept avoiding me. At least tell me if something wrong with us or else-“

“SHUT UP OR I KILL YOU!” The monstrous tone startled her. His eyes were about to bulge out from the massive anger he had been holding for the last few days. “There’s nothing to explain! I’ve known everything about you! How dare you trapped me with your devilish seduction and cleverly hid your true face, huh? Should I thank you for the past few weeks we’d been spending together? You annoyed the shit out of me, get the fuck off my face!”

His sentences were like blades stabbing her chest. Her eyes welled up with tears.

“What do you think I have done, Atsu-kun?” Her trembling voice gave him the goosebumps.

“Go away with that Kondou guy, you lunatic liar.”

End of flashback

“He put the sleeping pill in my drink.” She started her story. “By the time he was walking me home, I began to lose my consciousness. But I was half sober when he did ‘that’ to me. Dang it! I could feel the pain all over my body and it felt like eternity. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t scream. If I knew you were there, I would at least call your name to help me. He raped me! I wanted to tell you about this, tried to act as natural as possible to avoid any suspicion, but you ended up deciding to break up with me.” The countless tears made their journey to her fair-skinned frozen face. Kimishita, with his back on her, stood there petrified attempting to swallow every word she said.

“I wasn’t breaking up with you. We’re never officially together,” he replied coldly.

“I understood your anger. But you could’ve listened to me in the first place. Now it’s all up to you whether you want to believe me or not because-“

He kissed her.

His sudden act left her petrified that she forgot to close her eyes in early second. But the warmth he transferred from his lips was softly streaming into hers and she slowly closed her eyes. At the end of their kiss, they shared the much needed loving hug. Even Kimishita buried his face into her smooth hair. Yoshiko put her head tightly into her strong chest and cherished that moment with all her heart.

“I love you, Atsu-kun.”

“Shut up.”